'Strailya

When we initially talked about going travelling, it was to South America only.  But when we were invited to Jasmin and Luke´s wedding in Bali, suddenly we saw the opportunity for a real round-the-world trip.  And what better excuse to stop by Down Under and say G´day to our friends and families?

 
We both have family in Oz and have both been before to visit them.  On this trip we spent a month there, two weeks in Perth visiting my family and the East London Aussie crew, and the rest in Melbourne visiting Tom´s sisters and their famiies.

Last time I was there was 13 years ago, back in the glory days of the pound, when you could live like a king anywere else in the world.  Oh how times have changed.  Australia is EXPENSIVE!

 

So what can we tell you about 'Strailya? Well, it struck me as being in one way exactly like all the cliches and stereotypes, but in another way, full of surprises and things it should be famous for, but isn´t.

 

So, here are five things that won´t surprise you about Australia:

 
1. They do have BBQs ALL THE TIME.  However, not in the English sense.  An English BBQ is an event, a rare occassion where it is warm on a Saturday. You invite all of your friends, buy a load of booze and coleslaw and a million baps.  Someone usually brings a potato salad.  And you eat cheap burgers and sausages.



In Oz, it just means you cook your meat, or whatever you´re having for dinner that night, outside.  Good meat too.  We had a lot of BBQ´d meat and it was all delicious.  Of course, they do also do the Saturday event-style piss-up BBQs too. We went to one and it was great. But there was not a burger or bap in sight, and this was a gooood thing.

mmmmmmmm...

2. Great White Sharks eat people.  It´s on the news in WA regularly.  In fact, there´s been an increase in shark attacks on humans. Not just that but the attacks themselves are becomming more violent.  I´ve heard several times that when sharks attack people, it´s not because they want to eat them, but because they are investigating what they are, by taking a bite. And they don´t actually like the taste so they usually leave the rest. Well not anymore. While we were there I heard about one guy who had his legs bitten off by a Great White, and as his friends were trying to pull what was left of him out of the water onto a boat, the shark came back and ripped the rest of him right out of their hands. And ate him all.

Anyone else hearing the Jaws theme tune while looking at this picture?

3. They are exercise mad.  Nope, it didn't do them much good in the Olympics, but it's still true.  In Perth there is a set of steps (274 to be exact) called Jacob's Ladder that go up Mount Eliza at King's Park.  The view from the top of the Swan River and Perth city skyline is lovely, but the steps themselves are nothing special, just a set of functional concrete stairs, nothing to see on the way up or down.  In fact they are quite secluded and if they were in London they would be the kind of place that junkies would hang out behind.  But not in Oz, oh no.  They are chocoblock full, in both directions, of people climbing them for exercise.  Men, women, young, old, walking, running, two at a time, with weights, you name it.  And when they get to the top they do press ups.  Of course I jumped at the chance to get involved when my friend Erica invited me to join her morning climb on my first day in Perth and it was fun.  But we saw a woman using her baby as a dumbell at the top, I shit ye not.



4. They have a bit of a chip on their shoulder about the English (but then again, who doesn't?!).  Our friends and family excluded, we did notice this a bit. Nothing serious, just something that cropped up a few times.  On one flight I was queuing for the toilet and exchanging polite conversation with a man who was also waiting.  As soon as he heard my accent, he felt compelled to immediately tell me that although his very distant ancestry is English, he was in no way descended from convicts.  Because of course that is what I assume every time I meet an Australian. He then started, well, whinging, about 'whinging' Poms. Whatevs.

5.The country is effing huge.  When we flew from Perth to Melbourne we got jetlag. Seriously.  I actually first penned this blog post in Argentina, a hell of a long way from home. I saw wild llamas the morning I wrote this for example, not something I regularly see on say, the 271 bus route.  Yet the time difference between Argentina and London is 3 hours, the same as the time difference between Perth and Melbourne.

And here are five things I found about Australia that I wasn't expecting:

 
1. The wine is not cheap. In fact, it's cheaper to buy Australian wine in the UK than Australia. OK, so maybe not the really good stuff, but who buys that anyway?  It reminded me of the time last year when we had to take champagne to Paris from London, so we could afford to drink it there.

But the wine tasting is free, however. And with complimentary cheese.

2. The beaches are gorgeous! Is Australia famous for its beaches? I know it's famous for surfing, but when I think of countries with beautiful beaches I don't think of Australia.  But we went to some lovely ones. And the best bit is they're just there - no annoying hawkers, umbrella men or loads of bars, restaurants and shops lining the proms. Nice.

Just like Summer Bay



X Factor audition pic

















3. The birds sound like baby dinosaurs.  No 'cheap-cheap' or morning birdsong like you hear in England.  When you wake up in Australia, for a split second you think you're in Jurassic Park.






4. OK, this one is a bit embarrassing to admit, but they have koalla bears in the wild.  I thought they were all in zoos or wildlife parks.  But we saw some on the Great Ocean Road just hanging out. Loads of them. Made my day.
















5. They are a very hospitable nation.  I don't mean I was expecting them to be inhospitable, but everywhere we went we were treated like family.  And not just by our families, though they were especially amazing.  By our friends and their friends and families. We were fed, watered, laundered (our clothes that is), driven about and given guided tours. Absolutely everywhere we went we were made to feel so at home.  I'm not saying we wouldn't do the same (and we've made a lot of 'next time you're in London' promises that we absolutely mean), but there's something very laid back about it over there (perhaps the lack of British reserve?) that just puts you at ease immediately.



My Aussie family BBQ at Gary and Barb's



erm... enough said.

E3 Foreva baby

Night out in Perth before Miss Mansfield heads home

My cousin Barb makes a MEAN Margarita

Like uncle, like nephew: Tom n Roars

Hutchings' family dinner - you haven't lived until you've had one. 

The beautiful bride and the boys!

Tom and his sisters getting ready for our Big Night Out

Another day, another drink!

First night out in Melbourne

Tom's gorgeous sisters Astra and Delta

You can't come all the way to Oz without getting fed by king of the kitchen Luke Nuewen - another masterpiece.

Cheddar's leaving do - we met him for the first timethis night and then again for the Inca Trail!

Our lovely Tanya.

Tom's family minus Rory: Mica, Astra, Sean, Naomi and Delta

And of course... the Griswald's family day out to the beach! Perfect end to our time Down Under.

We left Australia feeling sad that it will be such a long time before we see all those faces again, but happy and incredibly lucky to have them in our lives.

First Stop Bali

After a hectic week of goodbyes, packing and last-minute wedding preparations, a longhaul flight from London to Singapore, a jet-lagged night in a tiny airless room, a morning flight to Denpasar and a humid, traffic-filled taxi ride to Seminyak, we were pretty shattered by the time we reached our hotel in Bali. But rather than collapse exhausted on our lovely big bed, or even stop a take a shower, we sprayed some deoderant and had a quick change before hurrying out of the door to Cocoon Beach Club.

As we walked into the club there was a big pool in front of us, with the ocean beyond that. The sun was just about to start setting, and Luke and Wayne were on the decks.  To the left of them, a big crowd of our old Aussie friends from London (who'd moved back to Perth the previous year), along with some more familiar faces who'd also flown in from London for the wedding, greeted us with a big cheer.   

If Carlsberg did entrances...

We were totally overwhelmed as we walked into this picture. 

And so began our trip! We got on the cocktails, Tom smashed the classics as the sun went down and the night moved on to first a gaybar (Bottoms Up!) before inevitably ending in a bit of a mess on the beach. It´s a night we´ll never forget, to be reunited with these people who we´d become such good friends with, but who sadly (for us) now lived just about as far away as you can get. And of course Bali was unforgettable for another reason, the epic event that was the Neuwen-Emmerich wedding, which I can only describe as like something out of a film, except better because this love story was real.

I´m ashamed to say I went to Indonesia knowing nothing more about it than what I´d read in Eat Pray Love. I thought the whole coutry was Muslim, but it turns out Bali is Hindu, which explains the small offerings that decorate the pavements in front of every shop, hotel and restaurant, to the gods for good fortune. And perhaps it also explains the nature of the Balinese people, because I don´t think I´ve encountered such a happy bunch anywhere else I´ve been - no mean feat when you consider the place is full of what can only be described as Brits abroad but worse - Australian ;).

On the first night a few of us walked past a group of local artists who sat outside their studio playing the guitar and singing.

´Know any Celine Dion?´

They invited Tom to play guitar with them, and after that we dropped by almost every night on the way back to our hotel. I spoke to one, Eddy, about this happy nature, and he said ´When I was growing up in Java, I went to mosque every day. But when I came to Bali, that is when I started to learn about the Universe.´ This struck a chord with me because I´d been thinking about the random set of events that had led to us being here in Bali - well let's just say it all started with a hair dressing appointment between Abby and Tanya and ended up with us here, in Bali, about to share the most important day in two people's lives. Whether you believe in God, science or Chuck Norris, at that moment it seemed to me like the Universe had made it so. Or perhaps it was the magic milkshakes we´d been drinking.

But enough about the Universe and back to Bali. We spent most of our time lazing by the pool catching up (as we were at the start of a six-month trip we were in the cheap hotel down the road but the five-star Breezes - where everyone else was staying - allowed guests so we could enjoy all of the benefits without paying the price - result), eating and drinking in beautiful settings, experiencing our first McSpicys, and of course, celebrating the marriage of Luke and Jasmin, a truly wonderful day we felt so privileged to be part of.

On the last day however, we did manage to tear ourselves away and see some of the rest of the island. We hired a driver ('Mr Bob' - Erica, he´s waiting for your call) and went to see a volcano in the north, had lunch overlooking some rice paddies (how do you get rice out of paddies, by the way?!) and visited the town of Ubud for some serious market haggling.

Oh, and the monkey forest. Where you basically step one tiny toe inside and a group of monkeys jump you for anything remotely edible you might possibly have on you. Fun.

I named then Jasmin and Luke, because they love each other so much they pick each other´s bums.

 

Is it me or Ann Widdicombe?

When we left, our new Balinese mate Eddy presented me with a picture of my face he´d painted. I was touched, but I must confess the sceptical western tourist in me immediately thought about how much I would have to offer this man for a painting of myself that I hadn´t asked for. As if he´d read my thoughts he said, 'And please, I don´t want any money for it, it is a gift from me to you because I love England and I love Coldplay and I want you to look at it and always remember Bali.´

And so ended a perfect week´s celebration of love and friendship, and we couldn´t have asked for a better start to our adventure.

And they lived happily ever after... x

Jungle Massive! Our Bolivian Amazon Adventure

It´s safe to say that neither Tom or I are particularly outdoorsy kind of people.  Tom is born and bred inner city, a through and through urbanite, who, on visiting my hometown of Shepperton for the first time remarked: "Wow! You really are from the sticks, aren´t you?".  For those that don´t know, Shepperton is about 5 five miles from Heathrow airport and within the M25.  As for me, despite growing up in ´the sticks´ and having no objection to roughing it a bit, well, I´m not a huge fan of animals or insects, or the dark for that matter.  So we can´t say we were overly excited about our trip into the Amazon Rainforest.  But you can´t spend four months travelling South America and not visit the Amazon, can you? Plus, I am a firm believer that you should do things in your life that scare and challenge you and the thought of spending a night in the jungle certainly scares the bejaysus out of me.

So off the back of a rainy, hungover day in La Paz we half-heartedly booked a flight to the Amazon town of Rurrenabaque.  The flight itself was both amazing and terryifying: a tiny 19-passenger propeller plane that bounced around in the air for 40 minutes while we bit our fingernails until they bled and thought about how much we loved our families.  But then, as we made our descent we saw it for the first time - the Bolivian Amazon in all its glory.  It was a truly breathtaking sight, and for a minute we were no longer afriad, just totally in awe of what was below us and feeling incredibly lucky to witness it.  And then we zoomed into land on a tiny dirt strip with a big bump and our thoughts once again turned to our imminent deaths.

We stepped from the plane and the humidity hit us like a punch in the face, especially having come from La Paz, nearly 4km above sea level where the air is so thin you can never quite get enough oxygen no matter how deeply you inhale.  "Welcome to the jungle!" the groundsman called as my hair immediately tripled in volume and we started sweating profusely.

After a shower we headed into Rurrenabaque to book a tour into the jungle proper. There are so many different tour operators it can be a daunting experience, particularly as there are few regulations in Bolivia so stories of dodgy tours are plentiful.  The most popular Amazon tour is to the pampas - not really the jungle but with a promise of wildlife galore (animals can hide too well in the jungle).  Immediately upon reading the itinerary for this tour I knew it wasn´t for me: "Day two, go searching for anacondas." Say what?!?  Also I´d read reviews that the pampas tours are a bit like package holidays, with so many operators offering exactly the same experience, you´re ferried out in big groups, with all the different tour operator lodges in a big line along the river, and that they can be very intrusive to the animals - how else can you ´guarantee´ sightings of specific animals?  Also not to get all preachy but the Amazon has its problems and tourism isn´t necessarily a good thing for our most precious rainforest.  So we decided after a load of research to spent the night at Serere Reserve in the Madidi National Park which is a protected conservation area and centre for eco-tourism.  The idea is tourists visit the reserve to experience being in the jungle, trek the surrounding forests, take boats out on the lakes and observe the wildlife they are lucky enough to see, all the while leaving the smallest ´footprint´ they can.  And in the meantime staff and volunteers are involved in conservation programmes and work with local indiginous communities.  There is running water at the reserve but no electricity, so at night it´s just candles and head torches.  It´s by no means roughing it - our private cabin was big with a double bed and bathroom, but instead of walls it just had mesh, so you could see out into the jungle at all times and at night it felt like sleeping out in the open!  The thought of this frightened me immensly before we left but was actually incredible, especially waking up in the morning to both the sound and the sight of the jungle at once.

Not being outdoorsy as I´ve already mentioned, we didn´t exactly have the right equipment or clobber for the trip - no hiking boots, no waterproof trousers. I´d lost my waterproof jacket somewhere on a tour of the Salt Flats and replaced it with a dodgy looking replica in La Paz.  And Tom´s sole preparation for this trip in terms of wardrobe was to swap is staple white plimsoles for black ones. You know, so the dirt doesn´t ruin them.  But it turned out it didn´t matter - Serere had wellies and it didn´t rain anyways so I could do the whole thing in my Converse.

It took three hours down the river Beni to reach the reserve, and as soon as we got there the mosqitoes and various other flying bugs swamped us as we trekked the 30 minutes to camp.  So much for the DEET.  It was then that we discovered we were the only tourists staying at the reserve, which we had mxed feelings about.  On one hand, how lucky to have the entire place to ourselves, including a private guide, and to choose exactly what we wanted to do! On the other hand, we have been travelling together now for two and a half months so were quite looking forward to meeting and talking to new people. 

After freshening up we headed straight out onto a lake full of crocodiles and piranhas to go fishing.  And I´m proud to announce I caught a piranha, a sardine and another rather exotic looking fish the name of which I forget.  Tom caught a coulple of piranhas, then had a dry spell in which he became pretty bored pretty quickly of fishing and kept mumbling about missing photo opportunities of the sunset. But then he only went and caught a huge catfish, the biggest catch of the day including by our guide so all was right with the world again.  I must admit I was quite squemish and guilty about watching our guide kill the fish, but I am a meat eater after all, and we ate these fish for our dinner so this is all ok in my book.

Dinner was by candlelight in the main lodge, and as we were alone (the staff ate separately on the other side of the lodge) it was a romantic way to mark exactly one year since Tom proposed to me in New York.  After dinner we chilled in the hammocks listening to the sound of the jungle by night before heading back to our cabin, about half a kilometre away.  All fine until the guide said, "you know your way back to the cabin, right?" "Of course!" we said as I shat my pants. And so, Tom and set off alone into the jungle with nothing but a head torch.  Now, half a kilometre isn´t very far, but in the pitch black jungle with shrieking and rustling and god knows what else all around, it was just like being in the Blair Witch Project.  But I managed to stop myself freaking out by repeating "I´m the king of the jungle!" in my head over and over until we made it back to the cabin. 

Now it gets dark in the jungle pretty early and there´s not a lot to do after dark in a camp with no electricity. Listening to the sounds from the jungle is great for a bit, but then, well it gets a bit repetitive.  So we popped on a two hour podcast of Damien Lazarus´ RA Exchange interview and listened to it in the dark as we drifted off to sleep.

In the morning, the wonderful feeling we had as we awoke to the beauty of the amazon all around us was cut short when we discovered to our horror that we had no running water. I know it´s the jungle but we paid good money for this! After a lovely big breakfast we went out trekking with our guide.  Unfortunately we didn´t see many animals other than monkeys, birds and some pig trails, but that was ok by me, it´s enough to know I´m in close proximity.  It was still a great trek as our guide told us about the various plants and trees and how they were used by the local people for medicine and survival. At one point he stopped to show us the Devil´s Tree, so called because of the ants that climb it.  He picked one up and asked me to hold out my arm to show me something.  Intrigued, I obeyed. Obviously it bit me, which the guide found hillarious, and even more so when he couldn´t get the thing off so it bit me three more times.  Bang went his tip.

Afterwards we went crocodile hunting in another lake.  Unfortunately we only saw one fleetingly but to be honest I think we were relieved - we´ve both seen Swamp People.  The guide started making croc noises to entice them, and Tom joined in.  "You remind me of Bear Grylls," I said.  "Who?" He says.  "Bear Grylls! You know, from the Discovery Channel?" To which he looked at me deadpan and replied "I don´t watch the Discovery Channel."  More of a HISTORY man...

And that was it! After lunch we headed back down the river to the ´Big Smoke´ Rurrenabaque.  We´d decided to only do one night for two reasons - one, because I was afraid I wouldn´t cope with more, and two, because going to an eco-lodge is much more expensive than the run of the mill pampas tours.  But definitely worth it.  We were feeling very proud of ourselves on the boat (whilst listening to another RA Exchange podcast, this time on Ben Watt) when all of a sudden a HUGE FISH hit the side of the boat and landed right behind where we were sitting. Of course we stood up and screamed like girls, to the absolute delight of the driver and local people he had picked up along the way.